Talking Stage: When Words Wane – How Long Is Too Long?

The talking stage! Aaaah, the butterflies, the excitement of meeting someone new, the urge to allow yourself to dream again, the meticulous process of planning a first date. The pain of it all.

What an thrill! Which eatery, which film, which aftershave? Is the shirt comfortable over my beer gut? Will she think I’m too short or perhaps too tall? Am I being humorous enough or overly serious? Or maybe just tediously solemn? Do they enjoy discussing politics or prefer casual chat about sports?

You wrestle with queries such as: Will this enthusiasm endure or fade away like a transient mist of joy? How much time will elapse before uncovering a dealbreaker I can’t tolerate? At what point do conversations shift from discussing veganism and politics to delving into family and shared futures? When is it appropriate to become physically close? Does the initial meeting come too early for intimacy, or should there be more of a courtship period?

As we age, there becomes an intense necessity to avoid wasting our time on seemingly trivial matters. Often, we may be unsure about what we desire, yet frequently have a clear idea of what we wish to avoid.

The urge to quickly create a checklist and be done with it appears almost impossible to resist. We want to understand if you maintain friendships, hobbies, and interests beyond this possible partnership since freedom becomes increasingly significant as people mature.

We aren’t interested in dominants who have nothing going on apart from themselves, nor do we aspire to be like them. Our aim is to swiftly convey what we desire and discuss our preferences, then see if you’re still willing to continue or step back. We prefer to minimize wasted time or escalate things further towards commitment.

As human beings, we experience a particular thrill when encountering new individuals, engaging in conversation with them, listening to their aspirations, and understanding what has shaped them into whom they are today. Yet, this excitement can be tempered by an underlying discomfort whenever discussions turn towards emotional topics. These exchanges start feeling more like obligatory tasks focused on achieving specific goals. We become preoccupied with making a good impression and appearing fascinating by repeatedly recounting our personal narratives.

When sitting opposite someone who shares personal stories from their life, you may encounter tales that do not particularly interest you. However, directly expressing your lack of engagement could portray you as an unsympathetic or poor listener. Thus, even when disconnected, maintaining politeness becomes crucial.

You yearn for moments where you can simply say, “Let’s discuss your favorite Netflix show or the recent scores from the NBA Finals.” Then there’s the aspect of texting, where a message comes with an unspoken demand for a timely response.

The stress! Many people prefer to say, “I hate to inform you that I only have around thirty minutes for this conversation as I need to dive into my book,” but the pressure to continue conversing is immense.

You definitely don’t want to appear rude. Could you share how you handle such situations? How lengthy does this phase of restrained unease typically last? I’m really interested to know….