Talking Stage: When Words Outstay Their Welcome

The talking stage! Aaaah, the butterflies, the excitement of meeting someone new, the urge to allow yourself to dream again, the meticulous process of planning a first date. The pain of it all.

What an thrill! Which eatery, which film, which fragrance? Is the shirt comfortable over my beer gut? Will she think I’m too short or perhaps too tall? Amusing enough or overly serious? Or maybe just tediously solemn? Do they enjoy discussing politics or prefer casual chat about some sport?

You wrestle with queries such as: Will this enthusiasm endure, or will it fade away like the mist of joy? How much time will elapse before discovering a deal-breaker I can’t tolerate? At what point do conversations shift from discussing veganism and politics to delving into family and shared futures? When is it appropriate to become physically close? Does the initial meeting come too early for intimacy, or should we prolong the courtship ritual?

As we grow older, there is a fierce urgency to not waste our time sweating what looks like the mundane. We might not know what we want all the time but we oftentimes know what we do not want.

The temptation to draw up a rapid response list and get it over and done with seems irresistible. We wanna know whether you have friendships, hobbies and interests outside this potential relationship because freedom takes on an even greater scale of importance as one grows older.

We’re not interested in dominants who have nothing going on apart from themselves, nor do we aspire to be like them. Our aim is to swiftly express what we desire and disclose our preferences, then see whether you choose to remain involved or depart. We prefer to minimize wasted time by either moving forward decisively or escalating things to seal the agreement.

As human beings, we experience a particular thrill when encountering new individuals, engaging in conversation with them, listening to their aspirations, and understanding what shapes their identities. Yet, this enthusiasm can be overshadowed by an underlying discomfort whenever discussions turn towards emotional topics. These talks start feeling more like tasks focused on achieving specific goals. We become preoccupied with making a good impression and appearing fascinating by repeatedly recounting our personal histories.

When seated opposite someone sharing stories from their life, you may encounter tales that do not particularly resonate with you. While you might not find them engaging, directly expressing your lack of interest could imply that you’re an inadequate listener or lacking empathy. Thus, you remain silent even though these narratives fail to engage you personally.

You yearn for moments when you can simply say, “Let’s discuss your favorite Netflix show or the recent scores from the NBA Finals.” Then there’s the aspect of texting, where a message carries an unspoken expectation of a timely response.

The pressure! Some folks would rather say: “look, I am painfully inclined to tell you that I have about half an hour for this texting then I get into my book”, but the pressures of talking stage are overwhelming.

You wouldn’t want to appear impolite. Could you share how you handle such situations? How lengthy does this phase of subtle unease typically persist? I’m really interested in knowing….