A Duck Bite Led Me to Embrace My Sexuality

In 2014, while having lunch at my college dormitory’s dining hall, duck was featured on the menu.

It was a
Chinese New Year
Themed duck – tasty morsels of meat served with hoisin sauce. I never imagined that a single dish could alter the course of my whole life, yet that’s precisely what occurred.

That one spoonful assisted me.
come out as gay
to my devout
Muslim
parents.

My family and I moved from Pakistan and India.
Canada
In 2004, I was raised with strict guidelines: Attend college, get married, start a family with a wife and children, and naturally follow Islamic teachings.

Anything beyond that –
eating non-halal meats
, wedding a non-Muslim woman, socializing with the opposite gender, or engaging in unconventional romantic interactions were not only entirely unacceptable but in certain instances vilified.

So when
I realized I was homosexual.
At the age of 14, it was utterly frightening.

I’d never seen
any queer desi
— a term for people of South Asian heritage who identify as LGBTQ+ — lack of representation made me feel like I woke up with a tattoo saying ‘you are cursed’.

I pleaded with God to heal me from ‘this condition,’ but naturally, it wasn’t effective. Gradually, I began to feel resentment towards my South Asian heritage—something I believed conflicted with my sexual orientation.

Later, when I was 18, I enjoyed that tasty duck meal.

I told my mom about it, and she mentioned that it was related to ducks.
isn’t halal
, and at first, I panicked.

However, I soon realized that nothing unfavorable occurred.

The Earth continued to rotate as usual.

That was when I understood that I no longer had to deceive myself.

In an instant, all the values instilled in me during my upbringing suddenly seemed insignificant.

I recognized that it didn’t matter what I consumed or sipped, and I no longer had to deceive myself. I was free to
cease having faith in a religious belief system
that didn’t work for me and finally begin to accept the person I truly aspired to be.

Of course, this still required some time.

When I was 23, I relocated to Toronto and shared living space with what was then my boyfriend, though I presented him as merely a roommate since I wasn’t completely prepared to come out entirely.

Leading a double life was not sustainable though and eventually, during a visit home, I blurted everything out to my parents:
That I am gay
, my roommate was actually my boyfriend, and I identify as an atheist.

My mother was astonished and speechless—she still carries guilt for not recognizing me for such a long time—whereas my older father, who confessed to overhearing some suspicious phone conversations before, reacted quite calmly.

Fortunately, my parents have become more relaxed over time, enabling them to accept me irrespective of my sexual orientation. In fact, I’ve previously presented them with some of my partners.

The one issue we do still have as a family though, is that I stepped away from religion.
During Ramadan
Specifically, my parents frequently make every effort to guide me back to Islam.

Occasionally, I’ll abstain from eating to feel more centered and appreciative. However, nowadays I choose to do it out of desire rather than feeling compelled.

On the contrary, my extended family members have been gossiping about my sexual orientation ever since they learned about it via social media. One of my relatives residing in Pakistan has severed all ties with me entirely.

I expected some resistance – Pakistan is a conservative Muslim country where
homosexuality is outlawed
And carries a sentence of life imprisonment – but losing someone so dear to me has been extremely difficult to bear.

Even after almost a decade, I’ve finally discovered a way to fully accept who I am.

Actually, discovering that my culture was previously quite accepting of queerness before colonization made me realize that my identity doesn’t contradict my heritage whatsoever.

I’m now a proud representative of my culture; I value our cuisine, attire, and melodies, and I enjoy singing in Hindi. Even as I mock my background for my 300,000 TikTok subscribers, my biography states ‘happy gay immigrant’ — this is far removed from how I experienced life during my formative years.

Certainly, I still experience it.
social media comments
Telling me I’m destined for hell, that I shame my culture and should face death, with even calls for stoning as prayer. Though these words echo in my mind during hard times, I am largely accustomed to them.

I prefer having a platform that
normalises LGBTQ+ relationships
In our community, this support demonstrates that being South Asian and gay can coexist rather than remaining quiet any day.

As shared with Zeenia Naqvee

Would you like to share your story? Reach out via email for collaboration.
Ross.Mccafferty@ChinPao.biz.id.co.uk
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